Equilibrium
by RavenoftheStars
Summary: Tom Riddle wasn't always Voldemort. When he was in Hogwarts, he almost seemed to be like any other Slytherin, even if he was more obsessive and interesting than the rest. One other Slytherin watched as his quest for balance pulled him into insanity. For qlfc, season 7, round 2, reserve beater 2 for puddlemere.


**a/n: I wrote this as the reserve Beater 2 for Puddlemere United in the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. The prompt was to write about a character(s) who is so obsessed with 'establishing balance' in life that they forget to live in the moment. (I'm sorry if I forgot to put something. I'm new. Google docs said this was exactly 3,000 words.)**

* * *

Ciarra stood in a line of other first-years, glancing curiously around the hall. This was the place she'd been told about since before she could talk. She had to make a mark here, somehow.

"Fawley, Ciarra!"

She made her way up to the stool, sitting as Dumbledore set the Sorting Hat on her head.

"Your parents went to Ravenclaw," the hat murmured, "but there's something in you... a need to prove yourself. Better be SLYTHERIN!" It shouted the last word to the hall. She wasn't a Ravenclaw, but she supposed it wasn't that surprising. She hoped her parents wouldn't mind.

She got off the stool and walked to the Slytherin table, analyzing the hall. The Slytherins were clapping while most of Gryffindor was booing. She watched the rest of the sorting, taking note of anything interesting.

"Riddle, Tom!"

The boy had a Muggle surname, and Ciarra nearly dismissed him. But something in his eyes hinted at something more. Ciarra was quickly proven right as, moments after the hat touched his head, a resounding "SLYTHERIN" echoed through the hall. A smirk crossed the boy's face, but he quickly suppressed it. The Slytherins clapped politely, so Ciarra followed suit, noting those who seemed angered by the boy's sorting.

"Is this seat taken?" a smooth voice asked from behind her. Ciarra turned and saw Tom standing behind her. She realized that the wrong decision in this moment could be disastrous. But there was nothing wrong with allowing a housemate to sit down.

"Not yet," she replied with a slight gesture towards the seat. "It's yours, if you want it."

He nodded gratefully and sat as the sorting continued behind them. She frowned in thought, watching Tom from the corner of her eye. He seemed sophisticated, almost aristocratic, despite the signs of a Muggle upbringing. Suddenly she felt excited for the years ahead.

* * *

Starting in their first year, Tom became the most interesting person she'd ever met. His performance was outstanding in all of their classes, and based on his parseltongue abilities he was a descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself. He'd shown them off once after some of the seventh years attacked him in the common room. Suddenly he had the whole house following his orders. She was glad that she had already been on his good side. He admitted that her willingness to sit with him that first night had made him more optimistic about his chances at Hogwarts.

Some Gryffindors tried to bully her a couple weeks into the year. She didn't know what Tom did, but no one from any house ever bothered her again. He won her loyalty that day.

Their friendship, if it could be called that, was one of mutual convenience. Her family was a part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight and when Tom found this out he began to spend more time with her. In exchange for lessons on pureblood culture and an in with the influential social crowds, he tutored her when she was struggling. With his help, she was near the top of the class, only behind him and a couple of Ravenclaws. She wasn't sure how he managed to balance homework, tutoring, and networking, but he did.

Tom was her closest confidant. Something in her knew she could trust him with anything. She told him about her dreams of making a difference in the ministry and he promised to do what he could to support her, although it wouldn't be much.

In their second year, Tom managed to snag two memberships to the Slug Club. She wasn't sure how he had done it, but their networking increased exponentially once they joined. It was there that Tom heard about the Chamber of Secrets, and thus his obsession was born.

"Do you think it could be real?" Tom asked, a curiously longing expression on his face.

"It's an old story, but I don't see why not. The monster might be a bit far fetched, but a secret chamber isn't beyond the realm of possibility," Ciarra replied. "Are you planning to look for it?"

"I'm planning to find it," Tom answered. "Do you want to help?"

"...Sure, why not?"

As it turned out, there were many reasons why not. She had somehow managed to sign herself up for a multi-year quest filling nearly every free moment she had. Tom was obsessed with the Chamber, and he wouldn't let the idea go until he found it. Somehow he still managed to complete all his work on time while tutoring at least three of the first years. Whenever she questioned him, he smirked and began talking about a balanced lifestyle.

* * *

The next couple of years passed in a blur. As Ciarra and Tom grew closer and shared their plans for bettering the wizarding world. As she helped Tom more, she found herself spending less time around other people and growing further apart from her parents. She started to spend holidays at Hogwarts with Tom because her parents often seemed shocked by her ideas. Many of Tom's beliefs were rubbing off on her, and she grew more devoted to him and his cause as the years passed.

Tom became the center of her life and she soon became blind to all of his faults. In their fifth year, he stopped asking her to look for the Chamber.

He also started disappearing.

"Have you heard about the petrifications?" Ciarra asked, glancing at Tom worriedly. "They're going after the Muggleborns."

"Why does that worry you? You're a pureblood, practically as pure as can be. You have nothing to fear."

"People make mistakes, Tom. What if whoever is doing it thinks you're a Muggleborn and you end up dead?"

"That won't happen," Tom answered, a self-assured smirk on his face.

"How can you know that? That's not even the whole problem. They might close down Hogwarts, Tom. They might send us home."

"They won't close down Hogwarts. It's just the Muggleborns. Think of Grindelwald. Not even Dumbledore has moved to stop him yet." Tom scoffed. "The Muggle-loving fool is the only one even worried about all these petrifications. Don't worry, everything will be fine."

Ciarra had nodded, choosing to believe her closest friend. It was only a couple of days later that Myrtle was killed. That's when the rumors really started flying and Hogwarts seemed set to close for good. But just when all seemed lost, Tom found the culprit. When she asked him how he'd done it, he simply smirked.

* * *

When Tom came to Hogwarts for his sixth year, he was wearing what looked like a family ring. There was something colder in his eyes.

"Did you have a busy summer?" Ciarra asked, glancing at the ring.

"Yes, I found some of my missing family," Tom answered stiffly.

"Oh?"

"It was disappointing, to say the least."

"My apologies. And the ring?"

"An old heirloom. My drunken uncle gave it to me."

Sensing his discomfort, Ciarra changed the subject.

"Did you hear about Grindelwald?" His eyes lit up, and she could sense something change in the car.

"Yes, it is truly horrible, isn't it?" Tom sighed dramatically. "It's simply terrible that so many Muggles are being killed."

"Have you heard that Dumbledore might fight back?"

"You know that won't happen. People have been saying that for years. Anyway, it seems impossible that he could be stopped. He's literally one of the most powerful wizards in the world."

"But he's been killing purebloods too, Tom. Anyone who opposes his cause," Ciarra reminded him.

"As if any self-respecting pureblood would," Tom scoffed. Ciarra nodded in agreement, silently worrying for some of her lighter cousins. "He's bringing the balance we desperately need. When he's done the world will be a better place."

* * *

Their seventh year was odd. Tom spent much of the year with the oldest Slytherin boys. He sent many letters and read the paper carefully every day. He always seemed especially interested in reports on the war with Grindelwald.

"Why do you always look at that stuff? Doesn't it bother you?" Ciarra asked one day as they sat in the common room.

"Why would it bother me?" Tom asked, glancing at her.

"Well, all that senseless killing of purebloods seems a bit barbaric, doesn't it?"

"It's not senseless, Ciarra. It's for the greater good."

"What greater good? Who decides the greater good?"

"It's for the greater good of wizardkind. The Muggles are having a terrible war. They're set to destroy the world. We have to find a way to stop them. All this fighting can't bring peace. There is no balance in eternal war. Any pureblood who supports this Muggle madness doesn't deserve to live."

"Then how would you propose we find balance?"

"Blood purity is a good start. How do mudbloods get magic? Is there a way to predict it or to prevent it? If word gets out to the Muggles, it could be the Salem witch trials again, but worse. Their weaponry is much more advanced and they could destroy us in a matter of minutes if they needed to. We have to protect ourselves from them."

"Have you considered going into politics, Tom?"

"You know I'm not one for diplomacy, Ciarra. But I'll find a way to bring balance. The light and the dark have to work together. Otherwise we'll never survive." With that ominous statement, Tom left for Arithmancy, leaving Ciarra to consider what he had said.

Toward the end of the year, Tom became obsessive. He organized every newspaper, filing them and mapping out all of Grindelwald's movements. Ciarra finally gave in and asked the question that had been plaguing her for years.

"Tom? Are you planning to join him?"

"Grindelwald?" Tom asked, and she nodded. "No, I'm just interested in his methods."

"Is that why you decided to work at Borgin and Burkes instead of the Ministry? You know any Slytherin would have been happy to help you get any job you wanted. You could have been Minister by the time you turned twenty-five. You're charismatic and a political genius. You could do anything."

"The ministry has always been _your_ dream, Ciarra. We can't both be Minister."

"You'd be a better one."

"I won't take your dream. I have other plans. Another quest, of sorts."

"Do you need any help with this one?" Ciarra asked curiously.

"I think I need to do this on my own," Tom answered, smiling slightly. "But I'll let you know if I need anything. Thank you for your loyalty."

"You won it first year, Tom. I'm not going anywhere." He nodded stiffly, but she could see a hint of gratefulness in his eyes.

* * *

Working at the ministry was hectic and took more time than she had. She rarely saw Tom anymore, as neither of them had the time to meet up. They exchanged letters occasionally, but when they finally met up it was completely by accident.

"Tom?" Ciarra questioned, looking across a bookshelf in Flourish and Blott's.

"Ciarra? Merlin, I haven't seen you in forever," he said, flashing her a charming smile.

"Did you hear the news?"

"About Grindelwald?" Tom asked, walking around the bookshelf with three books balancing in each hand. "Yes, it was quite disappointing."

"I can't believe Dumbledore fought him. I truly believed he never would."

"It's up to someone else to bring the balance now," Tom said, suddenly quiet. "Do you have a moment?"

"Yes, I got the day off. The ministry is killing me slowly," Ciarra sighed. "Did you want to speak?"

"Yes, in private. Let me buy these; then we can go." He left and bought the books; then they walked outside together. "Do you trust me?" he asked, holding out his arm.

"I'd be a fool not to," Ciarra answered, grasping it in her hand. With that, he apparated.

They reappeared in a dark, candlelit room. Tom gestured to a chair and sat down in the one across from it. Ciarra sat down, looking at him carefully. Something seemed different about him. This wasn't the Tom Riddle that she knew.

"I want to balance the world, Ciarra. I want to stop the Muggles from destroying us. I want to protect the future and remember the past. I won't make the mistakes Grindelwald did." He ran a hand through his hair. "I've been planning this for years, Ciarra. I need your help."

"What would you ask of me?" She asked carefully, wondering why his eyes seemed red in the low lighting.

"For there to be balance, I need help. I already have the allegiance of many Slytherins from school. I need you to speak to others, people at the ministry. Find out if they are sympathetic to our cause. I have to find something I heard about a couple of years ago. I may be gone for years. When I come back, I will need people behind me. Will you help me, Ciarra?" She looked into his eyes and saw the boy he had been nearly a decade before. She truly wanted to help him.

"What do I tell them?" She asked, and a smile crossed his face. They spent the next hours speaking of how she could convince others to join their cause. At the end, he thanked her and apparated her back to an alley in Diagon Alley.

"I guess this is goodbye for a while, Tom?" Ciarra asked, smiling sadly at him.

"It is. I'm sorry that I have to leave you."

"I'm going to miss you."

He looked like he was going to say something, but instead she saw something change in his eyes, and in an instant he was pressing her against the wall, his lips on hers. She didn't react, shocked by this turn of events. Finally she kissed him back, drawing on years of crushed feelings for him.

But then he pulled back. He smiled at her and she promised herself she would do her best for him. She would make his cause a reality.

"I'll miss you too."

* * *

Over the next twenty years, she worked her way up through the ministry. In every position she held, she spoke to the people around her, taking notes of who was sympathetic to Tom's cause. She heard nothing from her old friend over those twenty years.

She sat alone every night, wondering if he would ever return. Finally, one night she heard a knock at her door. She answered the door cautiously.

"Ciarra?" questioned a voice that she knew all too well.

"Tom! You're here. Come in," she said, trying to mask her excitement. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. I succeeded in much of my searching and I've managed to find people sympathetic to our cause in other countries. The only unsuccessful thing I attempted was to obtain the Defense Against the Dark Arts job at Hogwarts."

"You?" Ciarra questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I can see you as a teacher, but wouldn't teaching that class be a bit ironic?"

"That's how Dumbledore reacted, essentially," Tom answered. "But I was hoping to find some balance between light and dark and teach the students basic defense, or even just a Dark Arts class for the Slytherins.

"Oh, right. He's the Headmaster. Has his head inflated any more after defeating Grindelwald?"

"Yes, and he's old enough now that he acts like a grandfather. How is your job coming along?"

"It's easiest to show you," she answered, pulling out her files. "The ones in the green folder are sympathetic, blue won't oppose us, and red are people to watch out for. I've also compiled twenty years worth of blackmail and I've stayed in contact with most of the Slytherins. Nearly everything is ready for you."

"Thank you, Ciarra."

"So what have you been doing all these years?"

"Finding balance," he answered cryptically. She raised an unamused eyebrow. "Are you sure that you want to know?" She nodded, not entirely trusting the look in his eyes. "I've been traveling the world. I've seen many things and spoken with many supporters of Grindelwald. Before our sixth year I discovered a piece of very dark magic. It's called a Horcrux."

"You didn't," Ciarra gasped, her jaw dropping open.

"I needed balance and assurance. I had to make sure I would live to come back here and balance the world. I was in many dangerous places these past years. I made quite the name for myself."

"Voldemort! I knew it sounded familiar."

"Precisely. Anyway, I found some founder's objects and hid my old ring. I figured out how to enchant another one of them, and I came to ask you to hold on to it. I want to give it to someone I can trust."

"Are you serious, Tom? You come to me after twenty years of nothing and you ask me to hold a piece of your soul? And you made multiple Horcruxes? Your quest for balance is making you unbalanced." Ciarra hesitated before continuing. "You kissed me all those years ago, and I've spent all these years sacrificing things for you and waiting for you, and you came back like this. You aren't even the Tom I knew."

"We were young, Ciarra."

"We were. And now, twenty years later, here you are, still on your quest for balance. This is making you unbalanced, Tom. Maybe instead of finding balance in the world, you should find some balance for yourself. Maybe you should marry, have kids, continue Slytherin's bloodline. Maybe that's what's more important. Maybe you should've lived more in the present than in the future you will never get to see."

"Are you saying what I think you are?" Tom asked warningly.

"I might be." Her eyes flashed with resistance. "I gave up everything for you, and you haven't given me anything in return. I can't do this anymore."

"I'm sorry it had to come to this. I was hoping we'd work together. I need someone with political knowledge."

"I'm sorry, Tom." She stared into his eyes as his wand glowed with green light. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Ciarra."


End file.
